Ultimate Defense Tips Against Swine Flu Zombies

The apocalypse may be near, but do not fear or should you?

Will we soon have to board up our windows and doors or maybe even go to the top of a building with shot guns and barricade all the entrances. Sure these things might sound fun if your watching a movie or playing a game desperately trying to fight the infection that has turned your city into zombies. Would they be as fun if you where actually there? Even if they still sound fun or terrifying stick around because we have the ultimate defense tips against Swine Flue zombies to keep you safe and ready to lock and load!

Swine Flu Zombies Out Break!

Already there has been 63 reported cases of Swine Flu in New York City. The numbers are growing rapidly, and suddenly these victims start to change. They start to crave human flesh and brains. They become intolerant to light, and before they know what hit them they start shrieking and aimlessly wondering around looking for a victim.

The first zombie turns into 10,000 zombies and the numbers keep growing.  The public and government is in a panic and quarantine the country. No one can go in our out. Your stuck with flesh eating swine flu zombies around every corner howling. The streets are empty and the city you once knew starts to look like something you’ve never seen before. What do you do now? Hide out and hope you make it out alive? No, that will never work.

Survival is only possible with preparation

First, we have to think about what Swine Flu zombies weaknesses are and how they react. We already know they cannot handle light so we must first find a place to get high powered lights so we can blind these zombies and maybe have a chance of escaping.  So we will have to make way to our nearest hardware store and get all the lights we can. This means we have to make it there before it gets dark.

Now that you’ve got your lights, the next thing you will need is a armored caravan and some fire arms for means of protection. We will need something big and stable, something that can plow through any barricade or mob of swine flu zombies. A school bus, or an RV sounds like it will do the job. Of course, we need to modify our caravan and make it armored. If you have never welded before, this is a good time to try. The glass windows on the bus are just asking to be broken, so we need to cage up and reinforce all the weak spots on our caravan. Don’t forget a plow in the front, because these zombies are coming by the hundreds, and we wouldn’t want to flip our armored caravan and turn in zombie food.

Armored Caravan

You have to escape

Now that you have your getaway vehicle, its time to figure out where to go. So you turn on your radio and desperately search for someone. You strike some luck and find a static, but understandably it’s a recording saying “If you are listening to this message and are a survivor try and make your way to the Canadian border. There will be outposts with armored guards protecting the boarders. The helicopter will take you to safety.” The static gets worse and you can’t hear the rest of the message, so we need to get to the border at what ever cost. This is our only chance of surviving.

So we must find a route that leads straight to the border, with as few detours as possible.  There is not much time left, if there’s any left at all. We have to stop on the way and get medical supplies, food, and water. So we must find the nearest Walmart. So we find one, but it doesn’t look quite like a picnic at the park. There are thousands of zombies outside of Walmart, some still have there blue employee vests on. Poor souls! The doors are boarded up and blocked off, so we have to find a way in side. The mechanic shop is on the side of Walmart, so we could plow through those metal doors we have an armored caravan, after all.

Once inside we must block all of the huge holes we just put through the door. What a better way than to park the armored caravan in front of the door, blocking those shrieking Swine Flu zombies. The power has been out through the city for days.  Hopefully, a mechanic left a flashlight behind. Luckily, there’s one in the tool box. Shotgun and flashlight in hand we must carefully and quietly run in and grab as much food and medical supplies as we can, in one trip. There’s not much time left.  Now its time to haul it to that border. We should be pretty close by now, because the shrieks from the zombies died down a while ago. So, lets take a peak and see where we are. There are helicopters in the air, and you start to feel a sense of relieve. They haven’t left yet.

After about 20 minutes, you reach the border and are ordered to stop, and all come out to be checked for the Swine Flu by men in white quarantine suits. After being closely examined and tested, they give the clearance to allow you on board the helicopter to be taken to the survivor camp. You look back and see the Swine Flu zombies racing to the chopper toppling the armored gaurds. You are lucky you got out alive.

Once again lets look at our defense tips

• Do not stay where you are. Make an escape, it’s the only way to get out alive.
• Armored caravan is a must.
• Fire arms and explosives will only help.
• A radio to find out the latest update.
• Food, water, and medical supplies are also a necessity.
• A will to survive.
• Dalek Voice Changer helmet? Interesting idea.

Hopefully, now you are ready for an apocalyptic Swine Flu zombie outbreak. If you read this you have a good chance of getting out alive.

8 Responses to “Ultimate Defense Tips Against Swine Flu Zombies”

1. Aaron Irizarry says:

   May 4, 2009 at 5:19 pm

   hah! thanks for these tips… it is about time people start getting prepared!

   Aaron I
2. Zombie Watch says:

   May 4, 2009 at 6:40 pm

   Whether in jest or written with real intent this article provides some surface facts about the coming zombie pandemic.

   When considering your vehicle, while a caravan will initially provide you with comfort to achieve the suggested goal of the Canadian border, int he event of a global outbreak a more mobile, more fuel efficient vehicle would be preferred.
3. Jeff Young says:

   May 5, 2009 at 10:32 pm

   OMG! There has already been one case of the zombie flu at the middle school here (Oak Hill). The superintendent is covering it up, but the kid dropped dead in the cafeteria and before they got the ME wagon there the kid lunged up and carved one of the assistant principal’s eyes out with a knife. No one is sure why he even had a knife because it was Sloppy Joe day and you don’t need any silverware to eat Sloppy Joes. The school district is trying to say the kid choked on his lunch — another ha ha because no one chokes on SJoes, hot dogs maybe, but not SJoes. And how do they explain that eye? They’re not even trying. I went by when school let out and they have yellow tape all over the place.
4. septemer11 says:

   May 6, 2009 at 1:20 pm

   Do you really believe in what you have written here? People who die from swine flu resurrect(lets say they do so) only after 2-3hours. I think its enough time to kill “the infected”. Stop fooling people and your homework done
5. admin says:

   May 8, 2009 at 2:05 pm

   Swine Flu zombies do exist.
6. nicci says:

   May 10, 2009 at 7:00 pm

   oh my god thats just pure scared thee shit out of me… ;( i alwys knew 1 day this would happen… ha…
7. IamRight says:

   May 29, 2009 at 2:01 am

   dont believe any of this bull srry to say but the swin flu is just a flu and only 4 people have died from it ……..but they died because of preexcisting health problems and there immune system was not able to fight it off because it was working on there other health problem………god you people are soo stupid!
8. Riz says:

   June 3, 2009 at 5:35 am

   Finally, I can have the pet zombie I’ve always wanted.